Are you stuck in the house and yearning to find companionship, love, and intimacy? In our recent Love University visit with expert dating coach, Cheryl Besner, we learned some great tips for smart dating and finding a compatible soul mate. Here’s what we learned:
*Look for inner chemistry. While instant attraction is great, many times true long-term attraction and compatibility is a slow burn—starting with your head and growing into your heart. Find someone you can be great friends with—compatible, loyal, committed, and fun. You will find yourself growing more attracted to them over time as you develop a great and lasting relationship with your best friend.
*Be open to expressing your feminine/masculine side. In Eastern philosophy, “yang” represents the masculine part of us (assertive, protective, providing), while yin symbolizes the feminine side (yielding, receiving, nurturing). In dating, according to Cheryl, it’s a good idea for a woman to tap into both sides of her personality—at work, she can display yang (directive) traits, and on romantic encounters she can express her more yin (receptive) side to the men she meets; thereby resonating with her date’s masculine side. In the same way, men can learn how to express their yin (sensitive) side to women in the right circumstances, which can create a stronger bond.
*Move quickly from texts and email to video chatting. Too many singles get stuck in a “text” zone where they keep texting but never take the relationship further. Cheryl advises singles to video chat as soon as they can to check chemistry, connection, and authenticity (they are who they said they are), and then meet in person (as safety permits). In this way, singles can move into the phase of developing a real relationship instead of being stuck in a fantasy (imagination only) dating world.
There are no rules for dating—be authentic and true to yourself. Cheryl says the old dating rules—wait three days to call after a date and prepare to have sex after three dates—no longer apply. If you wait too long to call after the first date, the other person may think you’re not interested and may move on. If the couple feels pressured to have sex after three dates, they may not give their emotional intimacy a chance to grow, and their relationship may stagnate on the physical level. The best approach is to call after a date as soon as you feel the desire, while communicating in a polite and non-pushy way: “I really enjoyed meeting you; look forward to next time.” As for sex, it is recommended to wait until both parties feel a strong sense of intimacy and connection before they have sex so they can develop a more balanced and lasting relationship.
Dating is never easy, especially in our present times when we must remain socially isolated. Yet, there is hope for the single person who genuinely wants to find a compatible and long-lasting love partner. Looking for inner chemistry, moving the relationship into the personal meeting stage as soon as it’s safe, and remaining true and authentic to yourself—these are all keys for turning that first date into a potential soul mate. Remember, that encountering and keeping true love is a journey well worth taking.