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By Dr. Alex Avila
There is a lot of misinformation out there about dating, romance, and love. Our guest on Love University, Marni Battista, dating and relationship expert, shed some light on some of the misconceptions about dating and how to break through to find the love of your life. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom that we learned from Marni:
*Find your love center. Your love center is the strong and powerful part of you; confident, sexy, and lovable. To find your love center, practice self-care. Eat right, exercise, meditate or engage in a spiritual practice. Love yourself and you will have the confidence and energy to attract the love of your life.
*Erase your negative self-talk. Negative self-talk, what you say to yourself, is one of the biggest stumbling blocks when it comes to finding love. Perhaps, you’ve indulged in negative self-talk about finding a love partner, thinking, “All the good ones are taken,” “Or I live in a terrible place to find the right match.” According to Marni, there is no wrong place or right place, geographically, to find your love partner. You can find love in Alaska just as easily as you can find it in Manhattan. The important factor in finding your soul mate is your self-talk—what you say to yourself in your inner thoughts. Instead of believing that “All the good ones are taken,” you can say, “I will find the right one for me by doing the things I love and being authentically me.” With a positive self-talk mentality about dating and love, you will be more motivated, confident, and persistent in your soul mate journey. Also, by maintaining a positive attitude and good humor, you will be more attractive to others. Consequently, you will have a better chance of finding an ideal partner who is attracted to your good charm and positive energy.
*Get out of your cozy comfortable condo. Mani uses the condo metaphor to describe a single person who is comfortable staying home and not risking emotional rejection or failure in the dating world. Yet, this existence is not really comfortable because the pangs of loneliness and lovelessness gnaw at the isolated single person. The key is to get out of your shell and think of the positive energy you’re able to generate when you do something you love, whether it’s art, science, exercise, working with your hands, helping people, or a meditative/spiritual practice. Imagine that when you go out and meet eligible singles, you are carrying the same energy with you. Once you visualize this powerful and attractive energy within you, it’s time for you to go out and meet quality people. You can go out physically or online and meet like-minded people who share similar interests and hobbies. When you do that, you’ll increase your likelihood of meeting a compatible person who resonates with your style.
*Date with dignity. Marni tells her coaching students to believe in their own dignity and self-worth. Instead of having the “Pick me” desperate mentality (hoping someone will choose them for love), they can rearrange their thinking and create an “I am irresistible” vibe about themselves. When singles increase their self-worth, they will naturally attract the person who harmonizes with their authentic nature.
Yes, you can find date with dignity and live courageously. Dating and finding the right person takes effort and courage, but you can accomplish your love goals. According to Marni, the love quest is based on a paradoxical approach. On one hand, you need to treat dating like your career and put effort on achieving clearly defined goals (getting your wardrobe and pictures together for dating apps, participating in social groups with like-minded people; going on x number of dates to find the right love match). On the other hand, you need to give up the fight. Stop trying so hard to make that special someone like you, or to get married by a certain time. Instead, you should focus on loving yourself, being the best you can be, and extending your positive and loving energy without expectation into the world. When you do that, you will attract the right love partner for you, and you will enjoy a lifetime of happiness.
Click here for more on EVERYTHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT DATING, SEX, AND ROMANCE: WHAT YOUR MAMA DIDN’T TELL YOU AND YOUR PAPA DIDN’T KNOW. WITH MARNI BATTISTA, DATING EXPERT EXTRAORDINAIRE.