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Do you feel like you’re cursed when it comes to dating and finding love? The one you're attracted to doesn’t want you, and the person you’re not interested in wants you. Or, you date someone for a while, and everything seems great, but then they suddenly lose interest or disappear. If this has happened to you, cheer up. There is good news coming your way—a cure for the dating curse. Our guest on Love University, Jess McCann, renowned dating love expert, offered us the solution to breaking negative dating patterns and finding the love of your life. Here are some important tips we learned from Jess:
*Determine your dating curse and find your solution. According to Jess, singles have different kinds of self-defeating mental dating patterns (curses). It’s important that you pinpoint which curse you have so you can break bad psychological habits and enjoy success in your soul mate search. Here are some common dating curse types and how to break the psychological spell:
Worrier: You over worry about how the relationship will turn out. From the beginning, you want to ask a date if they're interested in marriage, family, and children; you also worry if they are a faithful or committed person. Worrying too much makes you seem desperate and can push a potential love partner away. SOLUTION: Focus on the present—develop awareness of what you can enjoy about the person you’re with right now (or what you can learn from them).
Lamenter: You have a lot of regret and are stuck in the past. You remember how your past partner cheated on you, and you fear that your present dating partner will do the same. Or, you blame yourself for making mistakes in your previous relationships, and you are worried that you will make a similar mistake in the present one. SOLUTION: Forgive yourself (and others) for the past so you can have a clear mind and conscience as you begin a new relationship.
Inferior Mind: You put yourself down: “I’m not good enough for them (to find love).” As a result you’re fearful of rejection, and you avoid interacting with the person you’re truly attracted to. Solution: Shift your focus from yourself to others—be more kind, giving, and loving. Smile at other people, help them with a task, compliment them sincerely. Doing so will reduce your self-consciousness and increase your social confidence. Also, think of your favorite actor and practice acting like them at home in front of your mirror—imitate their posture, nonverbal expression, and speech; adopt their confidence and charisma. As you do this, you will develop more of the Actor (confident and spontaneous) part of your personality, and you will express it in everyday social encounters.
Wanter: You try to get an emotional “fix” from people, objects, and circumstances; you rely on external things to make you happy: shopping, dating, making money, or being recognized by others. Yet, once you get what you want (car, house, clothes, attractive person), you may get bored and lose interest. Then, you’re off to the next conquest. Unfortunately, you are never quite happy because you're not able to fully appreciate what you already have; you’re rarely satisfied. As a result, you may overlook the nice, emotionally stable mate because you are always in search of someone better. SOLUTION: Learn how to be mentally still—meditate quietly—without adding anything to your roaming and rushing thoughts. With practice, you can learn how to become satisfied with what you have. You will realize that your joy and contentment come don’t come from external sources—they come from within. Now, you can be open to that nice, emotionally healthy and committed partner who fulfills you at the deepest level.
Contestant: Everything is a competition or challenge for you. You want to prove that you’re better than other people. If your best friend got married to a tall, handsome, successful man. you want to capture the heart of an even handsomer, taller, and more successful man. You may even be tempted to try to steal a love partner away from another person just for the challenge and thrill of it—to prove that you can win. Thinking this way is a terrible trap because you will never be satisfied with what you have, and you will hurt yourself and others in the process. SOLUTION: Instead of comparing yourself to other people who may have more than you, make sure you only compare yourself to yourself (previous self). See how much you can grow as a human being, and how much you can improve along the way. You will be much happier as a result, and you will have a better chance to attract the love of your life.
Superior Mind: Whereas the Contestant wants to prove that they’re better than everyone else, the Superior Mind already knows they are superior. As a result, they have a certain arrogance and entitled sense about them. If you’re a Superior Mind, you may not think you need any advice because you believe everyone else has the problem—it’s not your fault if other people can’t recognize how brilliant and attractive you are. Unfortunately, you pay a big price for this attitude because you select mates based on superficial characteristics—looks, money, status—and how well they can complement your “greatness.” As a result, you may miss out on someone who may not have those exact traits, but who could be a wonderfully loving and loyal mate for you if you only gave them a chance. SOLUTION: Keep a “Judgmental Journal”: Write down how much it hurts you when you quickly prejudge others in the dating world: “He doesn’t have enough hair,” “She’s not tall enough,” “He/she doesn’t make enough money.” When you do this, you realize how you may be eliminating great romantic prospects based on superficial reasons. Also, decide that you will experiment with dating a less physically attractive person who may have great inner traits—compassion, kindness, loyalty, spirituality. When you do this, you may find yourself falling in love with a beautiful person in the true sense of the word.
Yes, you can get rid of those frustrating dating and love curses—self-defeating thinking styles—that have held you back from finding the relationship of your dreams. Once you identify the negative mindset that is holding you back, you can take steps to liberate yourself from unproductive thinking patterns. As you do this, you will get rid of your old self-absorption (“Poor me” or “Look how great I am”), and you will start to see yourself and others in a more realistic and loving manner. Ultimately, you will realize that you can live in acceptance—of yourself and others. You will also be able to give love without expectations, which is the greatest secret for finding and keeping love. Start today to be kind, nice, and loving to others, without expecting anything in return. When you do this, you will have deeper human interactions, and you will be one step closer to discovering the love of your life.