How long should we date before we commit to a future together?Dear Dr. Alex:
I finally met the right guy and have been dating him for only a couple months now. We both are in our 40s and we want to build our future together, but I also don’t want to rush things. However, planning to have a child and stuff sooner seems better (since we are not in 20s). what should I do?
DR. ALEX RESPONDS:
According to the influential psychologist, Dr. Carl Jung, our middle years (40’s and on) are meant for integrating the different aspects of our personality—for finding a harmony between the things we left behind and the things we are seeking. Both of you may believe that having children is important, even at this stage in your life, or you may decide to grow the relationship instead of growing children. The advantage of being older is that you see time is a wider perspective; a few months, or even a few years, doesn’t seem like that much time, after you have lived a number of years. This is especially the case as you realize that with maturity comes the understanding that good things take time; whether it’s engineering a beautiful building or creating a quality relationship. So, I would say that it’s great to take your time in building this new (middle years) relationship, while being open and communicating with each other about your respective goals and dreams, and unfinished business (or bucket list) in life. Ideally, as life partners in the second half of your life, you will be able to help each other reach your dreams—both individually and collectively—as you create a loving and growing love partnership.
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